


Drabbles From Headcanons

by IsTheMedia



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:36:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsTheMedia/pseuds/IsTheMedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So on my tumblr I've been posting some headcanons I have with TF2. And so I've decided to write some drabbles to go along with those.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Headcanon #5

 

_  
_

_HEADCANON #5:_

_You know from headcanon #1 with Solly reading Art of War in Chinese got me really liking the idea that he knows the minimal conversational Chinese. If anything he would know a lot of swear words and other some distasteful words and expressions._

_Why do I like this idea so much? Because just for the look on everyone’s face when Solly goes on a full blown rant and eventually breaking off into Chinese and just storm out._

**Headcanon #5**

 

RED was getting it....badly. They lost in a most humiliating way. Busy one focusing on protecting the first point that none of them noticed the BLU Scout who forged ahead and camped peacefully on the last point.

 

It was a real pathetic round to boot.

 

Medic lost his chance to uber...twice. All thanks to the BLU Sniper who was just always in the right place at the right time.

 

The RED Engineer was equally as embarrassed. That damn BLU Spy was being real pro today. Sapping his sentry every time he fixed it. Then just as their Pyro joined in and help remove the sappers he was back stabbed.

 

Everyone flinched when the RED Soldier slammed his hand on the table.

 

"THIS IS UNACEPTEABLE! EVERY LAST ONE OF YA WERE WORTHLESS OUT THERE! How you managed to do ANYTHING is BEYOND ME!"

 

“Like ye have any right tae say any ay thes! Didne ye git blasted clear across th' map as soon as th' round started?” The Demo hollered back.

 

“You and that DAMNED pole of yers! You were too busy blowing your own ass to pieces to be OF ANY USE!”

 

“Calm down there Soldier, they were just better prepared today. It happens ta the best of us,” Engineer drawled, knowing he was playing with fire.

 

Soldier grumbled....and everyone froze as they heard him.

 

“Háo wú jiàzhí de qū! Yúchǔn de gǒu shǐ tóu... Tā mā de wúnéng...” the American continued as he stormed out of the meeting room, still grumbling to himself.

 

The other eight mercs were still too stunned....that was until Scout broke.  
  
“THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” The runner asked. “What the fuck was he talkin' in!?:

 

“....sounded bit like Chinese, but Soldier vould not know that. Vould he?” The big Russian asked.

 

“His favorite boos is _Art of War_ big guy,” Engie pointed out.

 

“But 'e read zhe English translation, oui? He...he would not 'ave read...could 'e?” Spy was completely thrown. That stupid American Soldier....actually having the intelligent to comprehend another language?

 

“Mates this has just gotten too weird fer me...Oi'll be in my van,” Sniper said ans walked out.

 

The others nodded and followed the Australian's example and left the room. This was something none of them were prepared for. 


	2. Chapter 2

__

_HEADCANON #6_

_For some reason I like thinking that RED Spy is blonde. But BLU Spy isn’t._

_I guess its because I like to think he gets those ‘blonde moments’; saying something completely stupid, only to realize it a few moments afterwards and just blame the whole thing on that fact._

_I see it getting really bad after a really stressful day on the field where he had either a lot of fails or was just pushed so hard._

**Headcanon #6**

 

It was a rough round for the RED Spy. He didn’t die….as much. But that stupid BLU Sniper, and his Razorback….and that damn Jarate. And BLU’s Engineer…..he had their Pyro on defense with him. That Homewrecker and those spy-checks. He has never been so humiliated in all his life.

  


“Hey Spook,” RED Sniper nodded to him as he joined him for a smoke outside the RED base. “Wot a round that was roight? Almost got me own head shot through. Oi owe ya one fer gettin’ him all distracted.”

  


The Spy huffed slightly.

  


Sniper glanced over. Looks like the French man was in a much more foul mood than normal. “Wanna stop by my van and talk about it and have a drink?”

  


Spy drop the butt of his cigarette, and exhaled heavily. “Oui, I will even choke down zhat swill you always ‘ave on ‘and.”

  


“My beer ain’t swill ya bloody wanka,” Sniper gave a small glare, meaning nothing by it, but seeing the amuse look it put on the Spy’s face made it worthwhile.

  


It was something they found themselves doing often, especially after hard days like this. Sitting outside the Sniper’s van, having a drink and talking about whatever came to mind. Sometimes the conversation they ended on would have nothing in common with the conversation they started with.

  


And tonight was no exception. It started as a rant session about their BLU counterparts…and eventually the thoughts of Demoman nuking the Antarctic.

  


“Well there’d go me home and family then mate, with that happenin’ Australia would be wiped out if all that ice melted, washed away an’ all.”

  


“But wouldn’t Australia just rise with zhe water? It is an island,” Spy said.

Sniper blinked.

  


“Wait…wait…mate did you just…wot?! It’s not loike floatin’ if that wot ya mean.”

Spy blinks then quickly cover his face with his hands, blushing brightly at the idiocy he just realized he did. Sniper busted out laughing.

 

“Taire jar man,” the Spy snapped.  


“Oh mate! That was rich!”  


“Two zhings! Un, it was a long day. Duex, I blame zhe fact I am blonde for zhat slip up!”

 

Sniper’s laugh diminished down to small snickering. “Sorry Spook, aha, but I will NEVER let you live that down.”  


Spy groaned. “Maybe I should dye my ‘air as an attempt to stop zhe zhings, no?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skipping to Headcanon #8, inspired but something a friend of mine actually does for his desk at work.

_HEADCANON #8_

_I see BLU Sniper never using is locker on the base, but only when battle rounds are on, then bringing everything back to his van after rounds. This leads to Soldier chewing him out for not “using issued resources-yadda-yadda”. Sniper getting sick and tired of it decided to just toss something in there to just shut him up….Scout suggests a toy dinosaur._

_Which he does._

_15 more times after the first one. Last one being a Godzilla figure._

_Which is in charge of keeping an eye on the locker during rounds_

_  
_ **HEADCANON #8**

 

 

 

It started as a way to shut the BLU Soldier up. Yelling and scowling at the BLU Sniper for not using his locker like everyone else. But the Sniper saw no point. Everything he needed could be just as easily kept in his van...not to mention safer.

 

But then he had enough. He wanted to pull some smart-ass move to just make Soldier shut up....and it was Scout that gave him the idea.

 

_“Just keep like some real random shit in there.”_

_“Loike?”_

_“....toy dinosaurs?”_

 

And so he bought one while out on a booze run with Engie. The Texan raised a brow at him but didn't press. Soon, he ended up purchasing one each time he ran into the city, and nobody actually got it...besides Scout.

 

He soon had an army of fifteen dinosaurs, all different types, precisely arranged in his locker.

 

Speaking of Scout he actually gave him the best one.

 

He said he found it in a second hand store when Spy took him out when he needed a new suit to be tailored. A small figure of Godzilla. As soon as he was handed it, he took it and went right to the locker room and placed it on an empty ammunition box, so it say above the rest.

 

“Dude you are having WAY to much fucking fun with this thing,” Scout said as he snapped his gum, tapping his Sandman against his own locker.

 

“Gotta 'and it to ya, was a pretty good idea. Solly ain't pestered me once since this whole thing,” Sniper saide as he opened up his locker to place his ammunition in it for the round.

 

“I think dat's fer anotha reason entirely Snipes,” Scout rolled his eyes.

 

“Whatever....yer in charged 'zilla, keep an eye on the place,” Sniper said as he closed his locker.

 

Scout blinked.  


“Wot?”  


“You fucking put Godzilla in charge of keeping an eye on your damn locker!?”  


Sniper blushed some. “...shut up.”


	4. Headcanon #9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Headcanon inspired by a small story shared with me between a friend and their mom.

_HEADCANON #9_

 

_I see BLU Scout just having a super close friend-like relationship with his Ma. Telling stupid jokes and such and having the both of them just laugh for hours on end._

 

BLU Scout liked it when he was able to go home on long furloughs. He missed his family, especially his Ma. But call him a Mama’s Boy and your teeth would be knocked down your throat. Just ask the RED Scout.

It was a three week furlough, and it was only him and his Ma at the house this time. His brothers either; off with their families, jobs, or at school. He’s not as much of a brat that most think he is. He doesn’t raise a fuss when Ma asks him to do something.

Like help clean the house.

“Scooter, think you can help me change the light bulbs in Marco’s room?”

“Marco’s coming home? When?” Scout asked.

“He’ll be coming in just as you’re heading out sadly,” Ma frowned some.

Marco had a pretty good deal going on. He went to school and was currently interning over seas. With his credentials, hell he could go anywhere!

“So the light bulbs?”

“Sure thing Ma, let me get the ladder.”

“It’s a step ladder Scoots,” Ma chuckled softly.

“What’s the difference?” Scout grinned as he grabbed the step ladder from the hallway closet and set it up in the room. Climbing up and sitting atop the top step. Scout undid the glass covering over the light bulb and unscrewed it, all the while Ma held the ladder firmly. Once Scout had the dead bulb he looked down and grinned again.

“Hey Ma! Look! Idea!” He laughed as he held the bulb over his head.

His Ma laughed. “I don’t think it’s any good Scoot. Isn’t lighting.”

“Dammit!”

It took them over twenty minutes to stop their snickering.

 


End file.
